Saturday, July 2, 2011

RECIPE SATURDAYS - Bachelor Pasta Surprise!

This is a recipe I discovered by accident one night when I was out of normal things to eat. I put this together with whatever I had left. This is a recipe that is REALLY healthy for you. And by "healthy" I mean edible. This stuff is REALLY edible. And of course by "REALLY" I mean BARELY. Just kidding it's great (only if you say "great" in the same tone of voice you use when you find you have a flat tire)....great...

This is a recipe that you make when it's past 2:00am, Jimmy John's will no longer deliver, and you've abandoned the use of pants. You actively acknowledge that it would take much more effort to find a clean pair of pants, put them on, find your shoes, keys, and drive somewhere than just make this:

1 Shot of Rum (Consume)
1 Can Campbell's Tomato Soup
1 Stick of Butter
The Ingredients!
1/2 cup Half&Half
1 cup Grated Cheddar Cheese
Garlic Powder
1 BOX of discount pasta. (Your Choice)

Before we even begin to cook something lets go ahead and drink that shot of rum. Out of chasers? Man up.   ...Good.

To start out, empty all the dirty dishes out of the one pan you have for pasta, rinse it with water a little, and call it good. Fill it with water and put it on to boil. I like to add salt, olive oil, and a little garlic powder to my pasta water to augment the flavor of the discount pasta.

While waiting for the water to boil I recommend walking into another room and stumbling through the internet for a while. 35 minutes later when the water boils out and the smoke from the dry pan sets off the smoke alarm it is time to refill the pan and get to cooking for real. (this sterilizes the pan in case of any sink contamination)

Once the water boils add in all the pasta. You want to use the entire box. Any type of noodles will do, including spaghetti, but I recommend celletani, rotini, pene, egg noodles, shells, or macaroni before resorting to spaghetti.

Cook the pasta to al'dente. (Till it's still slightly chewy.) Turn off the heat, drain the pasta, and put it back in the pan for the next step. (If you can't find a cullender use a spoon or be really careful.)

To the cooked pasta add the whole stick of butter, the half&half, and the tomato soup concentrate. I know from experience that the Tomato Soup Concentrate is not going to want to come out of the can. You may have to use a spatula or find and wash a spoon to help get it out. Once you get most of it in the pot you can lick the spatula. Licking the spatula is the best part! 

Stir all those ingredients together until a uniform texture is achieved and all the butter is melted.

Now it's time to go ape-shit on the spices. Add in your Garlic Powder, Pepper, Salt, Onion Powder, Greek Seasoning, Saracha, Tabasco, KC masterpiece,  A1, or anything else you have left over to season it with. I would say use your best judgement, but we both know that the time for that has long sense passed.  Stir all the seasoning around until a mostly uniform texture has been created. (This is the step where you can add some browned hamburger, sliced up hotdogs, or slices of whatever left-overs you have in the fridge. Maybe its part of a steak... left over pizza, or a burger. Throw stuff into it.) Stir.

Now dump into a large bowl. If the large bowl you normally use is dirty, (Lets just assume that it is), you can eat it straight out of the pan. When you're full just cover the top with cellophane or the lid and stick it in the fridge.  If you want some more reheat it, or just eat it cold.

This recipe make's a great breakfast, lunch, brunch, dinner, supper, afternoon, or midnight snack. One batch makes enough for 4-5 days worth of meals.

I should have mentioned at the beginning that it will take a few batches of this stuff before your digestive system becomes acclimated. Until that time, consider "A Roll Of Toilet Paper" one of the necessary ingredients.


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